Hi, readers! This is the first installment of seven that I plan to publish as a reward for my Patreon reaching its second-tier goal of $150 a month. The next goal, at $300 a month, includes e-book editions for Kindle and other e-readers, doubtless with some awesome new bonus content and Grace’s trademark illustrations. If you can spare $1 a month to support my project, please give the page a look!
Recovered from the Sea Chest at North Crescent Inlet, Third Year of the Far Moon Ascendent
(This paper is assembled from multiple different scraps, and there is some dispute over the correct arrangement, due to legibility issues in the handwriting. The reader is encouraged to peruse the record skeptically.)
Race 1: Karla’s boat wins first across the reservoir. Kio’s boat wins second.
Prize: Karla gets to wash clothes today, while Kio has to clean and pluck the gull we just caught with Karla’s awesome new spear-throw-o-matic.
Kio would like to note that Karla cheated by using a non-approved design.
There were no approved designs until you lost, dummy. Besides, it was your idea to divide up chores this way. Why do you always suggest boat races when you lose every time?
Because one day I’m not gonna lose! Why are you still writing this stuff on the scorecard instead of talking to my face?
(Illustration of a face sticking its tongue out)
Race 2: Karla’s boat wins first across the reservoir. Kio’s boat wins second.
Prize: The extra wager of cable-suspended aqueduct cleaning also goes to Kio. Karla gets to hold the winch.
Another thing: why do you add that I came second? Who else are we racing against?
Because if I mark that, it means your boat made it. If one of them sinks, it doesn’t get to place, get it?
Your big paper bathtubs will NEVER be superior to a fully-rigged sail plan I will keep doing crappy chores until I PROVE it
Dude, your sail plan keeps falling over because it’s covered in too much string
Race 3: Karla’s boat wins first across the reservoir. See? This means you sunk and (scratched out)
Race 4: Karla’s boat capsizes. Kio’s boat capsizes and sinks.
Wow. It got really windy right before Race 4.
I know, dang it. But mine didn’t sink, so I still won!
Now who’s making up rules?
Race 5: Kio’s boat wins first across the reservoir. Karla’s boat wins second.
Prize: Let the record show that Kio doesn’t even care about doing all the gross chores, because his Middle Toral Empire Square-Sailed Full-Rigging Plan WON THE RACE and let the record further show that Karla can suck it.
Race 6: Karla’s boat runs aground on the forward side of the reservoir. Kio’s boat is attacked by a seagull and fails to finish.
I truly have no idea how a piece of that delicious mushroom got into your Tortoise Empire Square-Rigged Losermobile.
You’re a monster.
Race 7: Both boats reach the edge of the reservoir safely.
You’re not gonna write who won?
What’s the point? You’re already on chores for like twelve years.
Then why did we do a seventh race anyway?
Because it’s fun! That’s why we’re still writing notes to each other on the scorecard. Talking’s not exactly hard. Neither is divvying chores with that other game you read about.
Rock Paper Sword? That’s boring.
(Later, in a different hand)
Besides, if we don’t make it off, don’t you want somebody someday to know we did this?